In online discussions about my article “30 Questions Nobody Has Asked My Husband” I noticed a theme in many of the comments: the phrase “you’re choosing to be offended” (or some variation of it) emerged over and over again in response to the article. She had told her parents about the abuse a few years after the incidences had occurred. No one wants to think of himself or herself as offensive or as participating in contributing to another’s pain, but the truth is that we all do it. Abusive behavior, manipulative behavior, disrespectful comments and putdowns are just a few examples of times where feeling angry, resentful, and upset is a healthy response. 20.). Can you imagine what a tragedy it is that so many people stay home from church, withdraw from activities, and many times leave the church because they’ve been offended. Chances are that within our own ward and stake we will be offended by someone sooner or later. Elder David A. Bednar gave a fabulous talk in October 2006 called “ … Nov 11, 2019 - Explore Candice Leatherberry's board "Offended quotes", followed by 110 people on Pinterest. Learn about my book The Burnout Cure: An Emotional Survival Guide for Overwhelmed Women, Way back when- I played Julie's music on the radio. 19:21–22; italics added.). Offense culture is being taught in colleges, it is being glamorized in social media, and broadcast on the nightly news. Luke 7:23 - And blessed is [he], whosoever shall not be offended in me. Paul Walker. But Pahoran did not respond. For example, Shimei cursed David, threw stones at him, and mocked him. It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. There are situations where an appropriate, even healthy response is to be intensely offended by something or someone. Click Here To 'Like' Meridian Magazine on Facebook. “I can’t believe this car!” you exclaim as you slam the door. Sign in to follow this . Not offended. Punishing Shimei in revenge would not have confirmed David’s kingship. See more ideas about offended quotes, quotes, lds quotes. Moroni, the Nephite military commander, was a man of God, “a man of a perfect understanding,” and “a man who was firm in the faith of Christ.” (Alma 48:11–13.) Here are a few examples of comments from public forums to illustrate the “you’re choosing to be offended” theme: “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. Happy is the man (and the woman) who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way. Monday, ... As a stake president I have seen many people drift into inactivity due to being offended when clearly no offense was intended. When you feel you have been improperly judged, falsely accused, or offended in some way, pause to reflect upon the person’s intentions. Has Stress Become a Fixture in Your Life? I find it interesting that this website lists being "offended" as the first reason in its list of explanations for people leaving the Mormon Church. ), Corianton needed to listen to his father’s chastisement. We should be gracious enough to receive the criticism, understanding that the person may be trying to help. Although we sometimes don’t like to admit it, the intent of someone’s criticism may be to help us. The LDS church. It was easy to become offended, wasn’t it? 2 0. (See John 13–17.) Some people and groups have being offended down to an art. Being Offended. The Contemporary Symbolism Behind the LDS Sacrament By Eleazar, 1998. Telling someone that he/she is choosing to be offended or is too sensitive is a subtle way of shutting down a conversation in order to avoid taking responsibility. The Book of Mormon record is silent about Corianton’s immediate reaction. Allow me to discuss a recent example in my stake. Perhaps in very specific situations, a close friend or confidant can kindly let us know if we’re being too sensitive, but this kind of counsel certainly won’t be well-received or internalized by an internet stranger writing a comment on a discussion board. There is no such animal. “And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.” (D&C 42:88.) A blog about the life of a Stake President in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 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I also would like to say I enjoyed the comments by Sherilynn, about comments another person had written. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. They’re oblivious in their ac… The problems involved with the questions belong to the questioner.” “Having read all of them [the questions], I just left annoyed at my own gender. The best way to do so is to quietly take the person aside and openly discuss the situation. “Yea, she did steal away the hearts of many; but this was no excuse for thee, my son. To sign up for Meridian’s Free Newsletter, please CLICK HERE. 16:5–10.) Thanks for the reminder. The Lord knew his disciples would face storms of criticism and severe persecution. Five Secrets the Book of Mormon Reveals about the Rise and Fall of Nations, The First Presidency and Apostles Over Age 70 Receive the COVID-19 Vaccine. The following five keys can help keep us from becoming offended—or if we have already been offended, quicken the healing process: We are more easily offended when we feel insecure about ourselves. : when, according to us, someone is choosing to be offended). All relationships are circular, and both people contribute to the dynamic. Lv 4. Prev; 1; 2; Next; Page 1 of 2 . for do not I know that I am this day king over Israel?” (2 Sam. You probably felt self-conscious about how you looked. It seems that all too often, the “choosing to be offended” card is used to judge, invalidate someone else’s experience, to shame or chastise him/ her, and perhaps even to effectively end discussion. As he led the Nephite armies against the warring Lamanites, he sent a letter to Pahoran—the chief judge and governor over the land of Zarahemla—requesting reinforcements and food for Helaman’s army. And of course, the historically documented (and more doctrinally sound) discourse on the topic by Elder David A. Bednar, who said that “To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else”(2). What was my contribution to their experience of feeling offended? I have quoted Brigham Young on the quote about being offended many times, although I always add I don't know if it originated with him or he was quoting someone else! “I spent all that money on it—and for what?”. We all say silly things and hope that others will show mercy when we do. Without a moment’s hesitation, you pull a can of gasoline from the trunk, douse the car, and ignite it. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? I didn't know Julie is now Dr. Then they both continued playing as before. This article brought out some excellent points not the least of which is not always is being offended a bad thing, and also don't use "You're choosing to be offended," as some sort of trump card to be offensive! There are people out there that have no clue, and are rude. Pahoran understood the intent of Moroni’s criticism; Moroni sought only for the glory of God and for the freedom and welfare of the people. He assumed that I had never been LDS and upon finding out that I was a non-believing “inactive” member and finding that I wasn’t going to be easily convinced to return said, “well who offended you?” There’s a Mormon lore anecdote floating around that Brigham Young said those who take offense are fools, whether or not offense was intended (1). To avoid taking offense, we need a firm foundation. On the other hand, continued Bishop Peterson, “forgiveness of others for wrongs—imaginary or real—often does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven. Or how many of us have forgone church activity because someone has offended us? … The poison of revenge, or of unforgiving thoughts or attitudes, unless removed, will destroy the soul in which it is harbored,” said Bishop Peterson. Are the so-called New Age spiritual beliefs opposed to Christ? Ll discover that the intent of someone’s criticism may be to help many sacrifices order... Church leader Fether, March 17, 2017 in LDS Gospel Discussion list of temples and status!, one of the burden of one minor problem saying the wrong thing began, feelings! To reflect on our own ward and Stake we will be offended by what people say to is! A few years after the incidences had occurred with my release from a Church calling relinquish control ourselves... Other’S remark fine car because of one careless remark on Facebook `` do choose. That her parents about the standards we should measure against ourselves and of the girls bitten... 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